Gazing at the Stars
Lying in the cool grass on a hot summer night, I stared up at the dark sky, full of dots of light of varying sizes. The ground embraced my hot young 5-year-old body, like a mother’s hug. “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight” I sang out to no one in particular. My wish would never come true, but I clung to it as I gazed at the stars. The sounds of my parents fighting and my brothers playing ball with the kids next door, faded away as if I were now lightyears away.
Suddenly a streak of light crossed the sky, a long ember that lasted for moments, then seemed to evaporate in thin air. I imagined myself riding across the sky on that ember, sprinkling peace on the world below until I too vanished. It was a comforting vision. The fighting didn’t matter; I could make a difference from a distance, like the sparkling stars.
I didn’t understand my parents’ fighting. Both had seen war, my mother growing up in Berlin during WWII and my father serving in the army during that time. You would have thought they had seen enough suffering and would resist bringing it on between them. At the time I lay in the grass, staring upward, the Vietnam war raged on. Soon my oldest brother would be drafted. But as I lay there, these thoughts were not a part of my universe; only the dream of one day traveling to the stars to experience peace. That is what the night sky symbolized to me. I loved getting lost in star gazing and waiting with anticipation for shooting stars. I always believed shooting stars were my grandparents who had passed on waving hello to me from afar. The naivety and simplicity of a 5-year-old mind were a wonderful thing.
Watching the night sky has always fascinated me. As I grew up during the early 60s, many unidentified flying object (UFO) sightings occurred. According to history.com, between 1947 and 1969 over 12,000 UFOs were reported within the United States. The subject was covered in newspapers and on radio and television reports. My mother was fascinated with the subject. She believed them to be aliens, but peaceful aliens. Our house was across the street from a golf course and park. On more than one evening, we saw unidentifiable lights, and my mother was quick to assume they were flying objects. We often took rides out into the country at night with the intent of witnessing a UFO. I shared my mother’s fascination, but more with fear, while she had no fear.
In September of 1961 a couple from Pourtsmith, New Hamphire claimed to have been abducted by aliens after a lighted disc hovered above their car. Betty and Barney Hill gained much notoriety from their report of this alien abduction. They claimed to have been taken into the ship, examined physically, and then blacked out, only to find themselves in their car miles from home. Betty had a torn dress and they both were filled with anxiety. The idea of extraterrestrials spread across the nation. My mother thought it would be fascinating to travel with the aliens. I, however, was sometimes afraid to sleep at night if I saw a light come shining through my bedroom window. But still, I never lost my thrill at watching the night sky.
As an adult, I still love to stare at the stars. You can find me on summer and fall nights out away from the city with my camera aimed at the stars. The Milky Way is a favorite subject of mine to photograph.
When I am out in a more deserted area, staring into the universe, I can still get that feeling of the cares of the world falling away from my awareness, just like when I was a kid. Yet now, as I watch I sometimes wait for planes and satellites to move out of my viewfinder. I am all too aware that there are not only stars, planets, and meteorites in the sky. A total of 8261 individual satellites are orbiting the Earth now, out of which 4,852 satellites are active, reported the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA). They reported by the end of January 2022, there were 12, 293 objects launched into space from launching stations on the land, sea, and even from submarines. It is unbelievable to me that so many man-made objects are in the sky! Some serve observational purposes or navigation or technological advancement and many other purposes.
When you stare at the night sky, the movement of satellites can sometimes be witnessed as can that of space stations. Web applications such as SkyView and Night Sky”can identify their exact location. What happens to them when they malfunction or stop orbiting? Will debris suddenly fall to the earth? Will there be injuries? In my internet search, it was indicated that they either slow down and burn up in the atmosphere or are pushed further into space. What if there is life on other planets or universes? Do they have satellites? Do they engage in space travel? And with the popularity of movies such as Star Wars, one can not help but wonder how many interspace weapons exist or are being developed. How sad to me that humankind is so tied to war. My sanctuary as a child, the night sky, now holds fears and doubts.
Yet, still, at this moment in time, when I stay present and don’t let my mind wander to the future, I do find solace in getting lost in space, so to speak. As I watch or photograph, I am still filled with wonder and the burdens of my life seem small as my soul stretches to the sky. As I observe the stars and look for universes I am filled with the wonder of it all, and for me, the existence of a spiritual realm where there is a possibility of peace is a certainty.
“Sometimes I think that the point of birdwatching is not the actual seeing of the birds, but the cultivation of patience. Of course, each time we set out, there's a certain amount of expectation we'll see something, maybe even a species we've never seen before, and that it will fill us with light. But even if we don't see anything remarkable - and sometimes that happens - we come home filled with light anyway.”
― Lynn Thomson, Birding with Yeats: A Mother's Memoir
Listening to the birds sing in the mornings lightens my heart. Better than an alarm clock, is awakening to the sounds of birds busying themselves with breakfast to get energy for their day.
Tired, overwhelmed with my schedule of working as a physical therapist, teaching, and getting ready for painting the house and for a trip, I gather my gear and head out anyway. I know I should not take the time. But being told there was a fledging owlet in a park 20 minutes away. I have no idea where to start looking. I feel rushed as I drive to the park, get out and start walking. An hour passes. I look at every tree in the park. I am discouraged. I decide to scan the park one more time.
A dog is chasing a ball and a man is finishing blowing his driveway across from the park. Maybe that scares the baby owl. The night before others were looking also, and we spotted the adult. The baby was finally seen after dark. No photos that evening. I know I am too busy to be here, but I am drawn. Two hours pass and I hardly notice the time. Directly across from the man blowing his driveway, I look straight up, and there he is!. A half feather, half down juvenile great horned owl!
Now, time stands still. He watches me as I watch him. Two more hours to just past sunset I stand, then sit by an adjoining tree and watch and photograph this beautiful, amazing bird! He scratches, he spreads his wings, he looks down at me. He leans his head against a branch and closes his eye and naps. All along I watch and photograph, mesmerized.
At one point, the little owl gifts me unknowingly. He shakes himself and one of his down feathers cames off and floats down from the tree right to my outstretched hand! So soft. Amazing.
My delight in birds is all-inclusive. Another morning, I spend watching pigeons, quail, and sparrows by my friend’s water feature. I was equally enthralled to watch pigeons, as I am to watch songbirds or cranes. They peck and kiss and put their heads together, then the male mounts the female and spreads his wings, looking like an angel! This is in stark contrast to watching waterfowl hold their mate’s head underwater while mating!
I4 years prior in Costa Rica, I and 9 other photographers creep through the jungle, where earlier in the day we found vipers, to photograph bats. Bats are not birds, but they fly and feed like birds. Being in the dark jungle to view them is nothing but breathtaking and exhilarating! This takes quite a bit of set up of lasers to trip camera flashes as the bat fly past the laser beam! I hear them and feel the breeze from their wings, but can not see until the flash fires.
Hummingbirds delight birdwatchers of all ages. One knows spring is here when the first hummingbird appears. They dart here and there, have ferocious appetites, and defend their feeding territory fiercely. In New Mexico, there are 17 species of hummingbirds. In Costa Rica, there are 50 species of hummingbirds! The biggest thrill is standing on a 25-foot ladder watching a mother hummingbird feed her baby in a nest across from me! Se watches me for 30 minutes, before deciding it is safe to feed her baby while I am nearby.
"God loved the birds and invented trees. Man loved the birds and invented cages." Jacques Deval
Perhaps my sharing my passion for bird photography will help more people enjoy birds in their natural habitat rather than caging them or killing them for feathers and trophies.
My breath vaporizes in the air in front of my face. My toes are numb from the cold. Yet I must stand still and ready. In the dark, I begin to hear aviary sounds. As the night fades to light and the beginning hints of orange and blue emerge, my eyes strain to see the bodies that go with these sounds. Hundreds of birds sit on the ice, their legs heavy with slivers of ice stuck to them. The chatter strengthens, the sound almost becomes deafening when suddenly, all at once a mass of white and black wings flutter, and all of the snow geese take off at once; every last one of them!
Left in the cold are the larger sandhill cranes. They linger and stagger their takeoffs. One leans its long neck forward as if sniffing the air for a clear takeoff. It then leans its body more and more forward and suddenly the ice falls from the feet as the large body elegantly takes off and is airborne. Next, a pair of them look after their friend who has vacated the spot in line. They look at each other, then repeat the stretching of the neck and leaning their body forward, seeming to suspend themselves into a pre-fall, but they also elegantly take off. Suddenly I am no longer aware of the cold, biting through my gloves and boots. I am mesmerized, though I have journeyed here for dozens of winters, watching this same phenomenon every year, never tiring of the event I am privileged to witness.
Having lived in Chicago before moving to Albuquerque, I was used to watching the sandhill crane migration from a location in Indiana. Binoculars were a must as the birds were far from the observers. I was unprepared for the amazing sight unfolding before me at Bosque del Apache! The birds were very close to me, the observer. I could hear them and feel the wind beneath their wings as they took off and flew over my head.
Bosque del Apache (BDA) lays south of Socorro, New Mexico. It is a national wildlife preserve, administered by the US Fish and Wildlife service. It spans over 57,000 acres and was established in 1939. It has gained international attention as a hot spot for wintering migrating sandhill cranes, snow geese, and Ross's geese. From November to early March photographers and birders line its auto loops to view the spectacle of prehistoric-looking birds. Yet BDA is so much more than this. It boasts over 383 species of birds. Waterfowl, birds of prey, shorebirds, songbirds speckle the acreage. The landscape has grasslands, wetlands, desert and mountain foothills.
Each trip through Bosque del Apache holds new wonders and adventures.
Some days are full of sightings, other days it is the simple beauty of the land that calls to my soul. Though the birds demand the spotlight, coyotes, javelina, deer, elk, rattlesnakes, bobcats, and turkey call this land home. From snags in the flooded fields sit eagles in watch. On one occasion, while my friends were photographing cranes, I turned my head to see a badger crossing the road! This was only my second badger sighting in my life and quite the thrill to me!
At night, the stars cast reflections over the wetland and mimic the vastness of the grassland. Owls eerily call into the vastness.
It is ordinary and extraordinary all at once!
All photographs in this blog are copyrighted.
This photo was in a competition and was on digital view at the Louve
Often, after looking someone in the eye, I next notice their hands. Maybe it comes from being trained as a physical therapist as I do much of my work with my hands. I question and notice, are they smooth, wrinkled, soft, leathered, aged, dirty under the nails, manicured? Do the hands match the face? So many questions arise.
As I ponder hands, I am in awe of what they can do. Often, I marvel at the speed and dexterity of the musician's hands. They seem to be one with the instrument, be it a saxophone, a harp, a guitar, or a keyboard. The image that comes to mind is seeing Eric Clapton play live and being as mesmerized by his hands on the guitar strings as by the notes he played. The music that leaps out from under hands carries me away.
Have you ever noticed the hands of a chef or cook? They are sometimes scarred from cuts or burns. Or those of the nurse who starts an IV with either skilled and sensitive or clumsy hands? Or the surgeon that cuts away at cancers and sews one back up? The surgeon’s hands are delicate, yet perhaps not feminine, confident, and skilled. What do a gardener's hands look like? Or the knitter's or artist's hands?
For years as a pediatric physical therapist, I noticed the evolution of hand use in children. First, hands are used for weight-bearing. The child pushes onto hands to lift their head and body higher to look around. Then they use hands to push into hands and knees to rock and crawl. As a child learns to use hands to manipulate objects, the mouth is like a third hand, helping hold and explore items.
The first time a baby curled my finger into its hands, my heart melted. Chubby and awkward, yet curious and determined. Watching a child learn to use crayons, scissors, and learn to make things is nothing less than miraculous.
Older hands are also captivating. Watching my friend's elderly mother teach a child to play the piano was a visual treat into contrasts. The elderly woman had long, skinny, wrinkled fingers. They looked too frail to do much, yet they flew across the keyboard or laid gently over the top of the child’s hand which was small and tender, creamy white, smooth, and awkward.
I remember my German grandmother, Omi, coming to live with us when I was 5. Omi loved to bake and I loved to watch as her hands, covered with flour would roll the dough out or braid it. Her hands were weathered but loving and kind.
One day Omi and my mother were leaving to go to Bingo. Omi somehow got her hand caught in the door as it slammed shut and she yelped loudly and we opened the door and iced her hand as we drove to the emergency room. She needed stitches then her hand was wrapped in bandages and we went home. I shared a bed with Omi. All night I laid awake, staring at her wrapped hand, afraid to fall asleep and to accidentally roll onto it. Over the next few weeks, we watched with wonder at the multitude of colors that marked her healing until finally, her hand looked normal again.
Mother's hands were soft and cradled the baby's head as she caresses. Father's hands were rough and multicolored from the paints he used during the day at work. Mixed with the image of my Father's hands are the memories of their smell; a mixture of paint, paint thinners, and cigarette smoke.
Hands carry out the heart's desires. Hands hold the gun that delivers the fatal shot in hatred or fear. Hands intertwine as lovers explore the nuances of one another. Hands deliver the slap of disdain. Hands unite to express acceptance of one another's differences. Hands can stamp out racism and fear.
How will you use your hands today?
To view the full gallery of hand portfolio go to this link. https://monicacioffi.zenfolio.com/p845997220
DOGS OR CATS? WHICH MAKES THE BETTER PET?
“Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are God. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they conclude that they are gods.” – Christopher Hitchens
If you have had both species as pets, as I have, you no doubt chuckled as you read Hitchens' statement while recognizing its deep truth. Do dogs outstrip cats as pets or is it the other way around? Not having scientific data to support one side or the other, I thought I'd review my own anecdotal experience to decide.
WHAT IS SPECIAL ABOUT DOGS?
Dogs can be gentle or vicious, playful, or working animals. From therapy dogs to drug-sniffing K9s to agility dogs to lure racing dogs to the family pet. What makes a dog special?
Always I have believed that dogs should be rescued, not purchased from pet shops or breeders. There are so many animals needing homes. Yet one day I found myself in a pet shop, buying food for my cockatiels when I felt eyes on me. I turned, and there she was. A small black and brown puppy with eyes that both teemed with life and shyness. Our eyes locked and I was in love, instantly and deeply. I told myself that I liked big dogs, not little dogs. I knew nothing about this breed, miniature pinscher. I did not have the money to buy a dog from a pet shop! It was just wrong. So, I looked at her one last time and whispered: "I hope you find a good home".
Later, completing my errands I started home, but the car turned itself back to the pet shop. The puppy eyes were on me before I got through the door, and $450 dollars and 20 minutes later, Roxy, my new puppy, and I headed home.
ROXYThe protector
She grew into a tough and sweet dog who loved to run alongside my bicycle, go kayaking with me, chase bunnies and lay sweetly with me at night. She was a large strong dog in a small body. Then, one year I became ill. I was septic and had 4 major abdominal surgeries. Between hospitalizations, Roxy would watch as I’d position my recliner in front of a picture window. Then she’d jump into my lap and lay her head gently on my arm below the IV. Roxy was my comforter and protector, growling whenever any person or other dog tried to get near me.
THEN THERE ARE CATS!
Cats can be playful or vicious. They chase strings and balls or mice and birds. They bring you gifts; sometimes of their kill.
A quirky black cat named Asher shared my home one winter in Chicago.
One brutal, stormy day, Asher could not be found. Out in the blizzard for two hours, my roommate and I followed every trail of cat paws into alleyways and under porches. Finally, too cold and wet to go on, we had to give up. As I entered my bedroom, I noticed the sock drawer open about an inch. Thinking this odd, I carefully pulled it open, and there, in the back was Asher, curled up and sound asleep. Distressed that I had disturbed her peace, she gave me a look that could kill. In the morning all was forgiven and she climbed on my chest to purr me awake.
Those Eyes Demanding Worship
So which is better? A cat or a dog?
Are you drawn to worship the creature or to be worshipped by the creature? What's best for you is in the eyes. Whatever you decide, just treat them kindly and love them.
“Music gives a soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination and life to everything.” ― Plato
In this time of the pandemic, live concerts and performances have been canceled. Music-halls, theatres, and concert venues lie in silence, like ghost towns. What I miss more than going out to eat or baseball games or festivals is live music. It is through music that my emotions are given voice and moods are guided through their life on the wings of song and lyric.
Yet, there is evidence of how music cannot be silenced. Early in the course of the pandemic, people sang from their balconies in Italy and New York and across nations. Zoom choruses were created and broadcast. Many musicians such as Mary Chapin Carpenter and Norah Jones have posted live songs recorded in their homes. My great-niece is having clarinet lessons via zoom and enjoying learning her instrument despite not being able to be with others in the band yet.
It is always soothing to my soul to hear music and to observe and photograph musicians performing. There is not only the music, but the musician almost gets taken over by some lyrical spirit; an energy of its own. Capturing this energy is the challenge of photography. Often the lighting conditions are not favorable. In non-pandemic times, crowds can be in the way. It takes practice and patience to capture the essence of the music and musician.
Recently I was gifted with a live performance, socially distanced, of course, by a talented young violinist, Marina. A mask could not hide the spirit in which she played. The angst of a pandemic faded into the background as her beautiful song filled the air and carried me away.
As a photographer, I also observe the responses of others as they listen to music. Sometimes pushed to dance, sometimes shouting lyrics, and sometimes I have observed a couple carried into their romance by music. A precious witness to the power of music as it expresses emotion and creates a mood.
Lost in Love Listening to Music
So, until next time, I leave with this lyric from Aerosmith.
“Sing with me, sing for the year
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
Sing with me now, just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away
" Social distancing is temporary; love is permanent," Unknown
Recently, my friends, Paul and Ann commissioned me to do a socially distanced photo for their 50th wedding anniversary. They have lived an abundant life and have even traveled and rode camels through the desert! Yet as I looked at their eyes peering forth from masks behind the security gate at their home; it was their love for each other I saw.
50 year anniversary
Sony a7Riii, 24-105, 1/80, f9, ISO 400
This pandemic could not strip away their love nor the impact their love has had on others. They are kind, giving people who have been homebound since the start of the pandemic.
A few weeks later, I visited another friend, socially distanced outside. The entire time she visited with me, her dog, Butch, sat with his head on her knee. Now I am a sucker for dogs, but this scene really tugged at my heartstrings! The devotion oozing from her canine friend was nothing but spectacular!
It Will Be OK
Sony a7Riii, 24-105, 1/45, f5.6, ISO 200
It was as if he was telling her; “Just wait. This too will pass and things will be better again.”
Love is all around us. It definitely overcomes the fear of this pandemic and the inconvenience of social distancing. Over 1000 miles separate me from my closest family. My heart aches to see them in person. Yet, I am so grateful for technology and photography.
Most days I send a photo or two to my great-nieces. Yesterday it was a Cooper’s hawk having its meal on top of the house down the street. Another evening I shared the sunset from my backyard with them. Today it was a video of a dirt devil lifting tumbleweeds high in the air!
In return, my great-niece, Mya played her clarinet for me via Google duo! What a delight! The two-year-old twins called my name when they saw Mya on the phone with me! My brother beat all of us on zoom trivial pursuit!
Dinner
Sony a7Riii, 100-400, 1/500, f5.6, iso 500
Love transcends the hardships of these times.
Moments of Connection
"When people go within and connect with themselves, they realize they are connected to the universe and they are connected to all living things." Armand DiMele
One of my favorite songs is from the Broadway play Rent. The lyrics read, “how do you measure a year in the life?... In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife…how about in love?"
Certainly, our time in social isolation has brought this question up in my mind frequently. What gives my life meaning? Is it the images I processed? The quilts I have made? The walks I have taken?
No!
It is the times where love has burst forth from my heart towards others. It is the times when I have made my nephews or great-nieces laugh. Or the moment my dog Willow and I understood each other’s gaze. Or the moment I captured my great-niece protecting my rescue dachshund from something that scared her.
Once I had this amazing experience visiting Yosemite. It was the morning I was leaving and my friends were still sawing logs before the long journey home. I rose early and ventured out into the morning dew. With each step, I breathed in the air of this magical place. As I approached the river, my eye caught movement! Staring at me as I gazed deep into her eyes was a doe and her fawn. She watched as I gingerly stepped closer, pausing between each step. About 10 feet away I paused until she determined I was not a threat and allowed herself and her fawn to drink. I waited. After their thirst was filled, they began to slowly walk away, stopping every so often to watch me. I held my breath as I steadily crept forward, pausing when they paused.
Finally, they took one last glance at me and crawled under an evergreen to lie down. I could not believe it! Holding my breath, I lay at the edge of the tree peering in. We lay there, together, interspecies friends. Each knew the other meant no harm. It was an endless moment and precious and years later is as fresh as ever.
No camera!
Doe
Only memorialized in my mind, for as long as I live. Am I sad I had no camera? Honestly, yes and no. It would have been amazing to have that image. Yet, would the connection had happened with the intrusion of the camera? Some moments are only meant for the heart.
All life and all creatures are connected. When lives collide it can bring pain and hardship or joy and love. Too often we let the hardships or hurts in our lives define us. Moments of connection compose life’s greatest blessing.
Sure, images are important. They immortalize the moments of connectedness. It is in these moments that life is worth living!
How are you doing through this time of social distancing? Are there moments you cherish that are getting you through this time?
Til next time, stay well and enjoy your connections!
Photography, for me, has always been about emotions and connections. What I put in the viewfinder creates an emotion in me, calling me to photograph it. An image should envoke an emotion in the viewer.
Photography has allowed me to connect to people, animals, events, and to observe and respond to the interactions between people and the natural world. The COVID-19 pandemic greatly impacted my ability to connect with others and the world around me. Being confined to working from home left me feeling isolated and soon losing interest in what normally inspires me. I struggle from time to time with anxiety and depression, and the pandemic has been a perfect breeding ground for this battle within me.
Recently I read an anonymous quote that recounts this battle within.
“Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. It’s the fear of failure, but no urge to be productive. It’s wanting friends, but hate socializing. It’s wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be lonely. It’s feeling everything at once then feeling paralyzing numb.”
With less work, I would have thought I would have delved into my passion for photography. Yet as the quote above describes, I was paralyzed. Then it occurred to me I could get out and not even leave my car. I could be safe and witness what I love: interactions in nature. I was blessed with discovering burrows of burrowing owls!
These delightful birds entertained me for hours. I watched as the mother stayed by her babies: one burrow had 9 juveniles! The male watched them and me from a nearby tree or sign with limitless patience. I witnessed the nuzzling between mother and child, squabbles between siblings, and thought how similar to human interactions this was. I captured an entire family portrait! With delight and anticipation of success, I rooted for the fledgling’s failed first flight attempt. I witnessed the progression from mother feeding juveniles, to the juvenile owl capturing a bug on its own to devour. It was simply delightful and I felt grateful to God to be blessed to witness these incredible birds.
As I sat on several visits and watched these delightful birds grow up, I was once again reminded about the importance of connections in life. Though my social contact has been less over the past few months, the witness of this precious time in the cycle of life refreshed my soul! The connection with nature helped lift some of the anxiety and depression.