Gazing at the Stars

Lying in the cool grass on a hot summer night, I stared up at the dark sky, full of dots of light of varying sizes. The ground embraced my hot young 5-year-old body, like a mother’s hug. “Star light, star bright, first star I see tonight, wish I may wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight” I sang out to no one in particular. My wish would never come true, but I clung to it as I gazed at the stars. The sounds of my parents fighting and my brothers playing ball with the kids next door, faded away as if I were now lightyears away. 

Suddenly a streak of light crossed the sky, a long ember that lasted for moments, then seemed to evaporate in thin air. I imagined myself riding across the sky on that ember, sprinkling peace on the world below until I too vanished. It was a comforting vision. The fighting didn’t matter; I could make a difference from a distance, like the sparkling stars. 

I didn’t understand my parents’ fighting. Both had seen war, my mother growing up in Berlin during WWII and my father serving in the army during that time. You would have thought they had seen enough suffering and would resist bringing it on between them. At the time I lay in the grass, staring upward, the Vietnam war raged on. Soon my oldest brother would be drafted. But as I lay there, these thoughts were not a part of my universe; only the dream of one day traveling to the stars to experience peace. That is what the night sky symbolized to me. I loved getting lost in star gazing and waiting with anticipation for shooting stars. I always believed shooting stars were my grandparents who had passed on waving hello to me from afar. The naivety and simplicity of a 5-year-old mind were a wonderful thing.

Watching the night sky has always fascinated me.  As I grew up during the early 60s, many unidentified flying object (UFO) sightings occurred. According to history.com, between 1947 and 1969 over 12,000 UFOs were reported within the United States. The subject was covered in newspapers and on radio and television reports. My mother was fascinated with the subject. She believed them to be aliens, but peaceful aliens. Our house was across the street from a golf course and park. On more than one evening, we saw unidentifiable lights, and my mother was quick to assume they were flying objects. We often took rides out into the country at night with the intent of witnessing a UFO. I shared my mother’s fascination, but more with fear, while she had no fear. 

In September of 1961 a couple from Pourtsmith, New Hamphire claimed to have been abducted by aliens after a lighted disc hovered above their car. Betty and Barney Hill gained much notoriety from their report of this alien abduction. They claimed to have been taken into the ship, examined physically, and then blacked out, only to find themselves in their car miles from home. Betty had a torn dress and they both were filled with anxiety. The idea of extraterrestrials spread across the nation. My mother thought it would be fascinating to travel with the aliens. I, however, was sometimes afraid to sleep at night if I saw a light come shining through my bedroom window. But still, I never lost my thrill at watching the night sky.

As an adult, I still love to stare at the stars. You can find me on summer and fall nights out away from the city with my camera aimed at the stars. The Milky Way is a favorite subject of mine to photograph. 

When I am out in a more deserted area, staring into the universe, I can still get that feeling of the cares of the world falling away from my awareness, just like when I was a kid. Yet now, as I watch I sometimes wait for planes and satellites to move out of my viewfinder. I am all too aware that there are not only stars, planets, and meteorites in the sky.  A total of 8261 individual satellites are orbiting the Earth now, out of which 4,852 satellites are active, reported the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA). They reported by the end of January 2022, there were 12, 293 objects launched into space from launching stations on the land, sea, and even from submarines. It is unbelievable to me that so many man-made objects are in the sky! Some serve observational purposes or navigation or technological advancement and many other purposes. 

When you stare at the night sky, the movement of satellites can sometimes be witnessed as can that of space stations. Web applications such as SkyView and Night Sky”can identify their exact location. What happens to them when they malfunction or stop orbiting? Will debris suddenly fall to the earth? Will there be injuries? In my internet search, it was indicated that they either slow down and burn up in the atmosphere or are pushed further into space. What if there is life on other planets or universes? Do they have satellites? Do they engage in space travel? And with the popularity of movies such as Star Wars, one can not help but wonder how many interspace weapons exist or are being developed. How sad to me that humankind is so tied to war. My sanctuary as a child, the night sky, now holds fears and doubts.

Yet, still, at this moment in time, when I stay present and don’t let my mind wander to the future, I do find solace in getting lost in space, so to speak. As I watch or photograph, I am still filled with wonder and the burdens of my life seem small as my soul stretches to the sky. As I observe the stars and look for universes I am filled with the wonder of it all, and for me, the existence of a spiritual realm where there is a possibility of peace is a certainty.